These Advice given by My Father Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."